Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize