3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
