So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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