also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
