oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
