How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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