I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
