I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
