Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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