I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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