You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
