turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
