Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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