He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize