Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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