I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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