Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
