he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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