i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
