he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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