Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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