His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
