tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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