Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
