Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
