Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
