what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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