omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
