Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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