Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
