Having a random hookup so left but love u
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize