Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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