you guys were way drunker than both of me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
