I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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