Sponge bath it is.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
