what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
