The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
