Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and she was petting her beer can
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
