DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
