You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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