Whod you bang
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
