omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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