Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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