When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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