Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
