The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
