I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
