Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
