At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
