She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
