Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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