i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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