you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
