About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
