that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
