What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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