I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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