mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
