What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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