im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
